Do you ever worry about what people think about you?
Have you ever felt rejected and gotten defensive if someone criticized something you did or something that you were passionate about?
Are there times where you hold back on doing something you know would benefit yourself and even others because you’re scared about how some people may react?
It’s okay my friend, don’t beat yourself up, we’ve all been there.
But as you start or continue on your brand building journey, worrying about what people think can be a huge detriment to your success.
Not caring about other people opinions is a serious mindset shift you need to make if you want to get to the next level.
In this blog post, I break down why worrying about what other people think of you is holding you back big time and I’ll also provide three mindset hacks you need to make to stop caring about people’s opinions.
Or better yet! You can watch the pre-recorded live stream below.
Why Do We Care So Much?
First, we need to seriously ask ourselves: Why do we care so much about other people’s opinions, even those of total strangers?
It’s because we base our actions and decisions on how we anticipate other people will perceive us.
And when it comes to building our brands and putting ourselves out there online, we want people to perceive our brands aka and US as awesome and wonderful and all that good, fuzzy, warm stuff.
But having your self-worth wrapped up in the opinions of other people is a slow recipe to disaster.
When you care too much about the opinions of other people you dim your light and start doing things you don’t want to do because you’re afraid of what others will think and you become afraid of what the potential consequences might be if you don’t comply.
Those potential consequences could be:
- Fear of abandonment
- Fear of ridicule
- Fear of being discarded
- Fear of not being liked
Everything comes down to FEAR.
And gals and guys this is a free space, a total no-judgment zone and for a good chunk of my life, I valued the opinions of others wayyyy too much.
Because I was a people-pleaser.
Although many of you might know me from TV or from YouTube or whenever on the interwebs, sometimes it may look like I have it all together but the truth is I’ve always lacked a lot of confidence in myself.
Growing up I was always bullied.
From a kid all the way to an adult. Kids used to make fun of the way I dressed because I was a tomboy and was always into sports.
And I ended up becoming friends with female bullies because of my insecurities about myself and I thought I had to be friends with these people who I didn’t really like in order to be liked.
I didn’t know how to stand up for myself or say NO because I was so afraid of the “consequences” of what would happen.
There’s that FEAR thing bubbling up again.
And because of my people-pleaser syndrome and approval addiction, I’ve made A LOT of bad decisions and wasted a lot of time catering to other people and believing people’s opinions about who I am and what I’m all about.
May be some of these actions and decisions resonate with you when it comes to caring too much about other people’s opinions.
Surrounding yourself with negative influences.
Keeping friends and partners around for too long and not realizing that you have outgrown the relationship.
No love lost but when you have nothing in common with someone anymore you have to understand they aren’t contributing to your growth and they’re contributing to your potential demise.
Doing things that go against your integrity just to be popular online.
This is when you’re chasing vanity over quality.
You may create content or collaborate with others and do things that go against your morals and values all because you know it will garner a lot of attention and impressions online.
But in the end, you feel icky because it goes against the essence and being of your character.
I’ve done it and regretted it.
It’s not worth it.
Not pursuing what you’re truly passionate about.
Right now you may be going through a period where you still haven’t started what you want to do because you’re embarrassed about what people will think.
Using myself as an example, it took me about THREE WHOLE YEARS to muster up the courage to start my online branding and marketing business because I shared my passion with people and they gave me negative feedback.
Ya’ll, approval addiction was my drug of choice back in the day and most of the time I never got my fix.
These people told me to stick to sports media because I was good at.
What I didn’t realize back then and had to learn the hard way was I was sharing my vision with people who had NO IDEA what I was capable of in a totally different niche.
And because digital marketing was foreign to these people, their feedback came from sheer ignorance.
For yearssssss, I didn’t pursue what was in my heart because I was too concerned with other people’s opinions.
Lesson: Don’t be like me!! (well the old me, that is).
Stop asking blind people to proofread your vision.
I go more in-depth and give lots more personal examples of the bad decisions I made worrying about other people’s opinions in the live stream, so make sure to check it out.
3 Mindset Hacks to Not Care About What People Think
1 | Understand that the negative comments someone makes about you or to you is about them and not you
How bad I wish I knew this from the moment I came out of my momma’s womb.
For yearssss, I never understood why people would say mean things to me or about me and try to bring me down.
When people say negative things to you, it’s just a reflection of how they think about themselves.
Hurt people, hurt people.
If you’re currently surrounded by anyone who says negative things to try to put you down, please RUN because it will only get worse.
You have to get your Luke Cage on and let negative comments bounce right off of you.
Your positivity needs to run so deep that you become bulletproof to negativity.
What I do to reverse engineer negative comments, is that I read it and empathize that this person is not happy nor healthy but all I can do is give them to God.
You can’t change anybody, all you can do is change yourself.
Get your Luke Cage on and give all negative people to God.
2 | Some people are going to dislike you and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Starting my brand on YouTube back in 2010 taught me a lot about all the things I would never do again now.
But back then my self-worth was so wrapped up in other people’s opinions, any negative comment would be like the plague.
- OMG how could they say that about me?
- OMG why would they write that?
- OMG should I privately message them and explain myself?
Back then, I was always changing who I was in order to be “liked” and that’s because I wasn’t secure with myself, so it was very easy for me to think I needed to change in order to be accepted.
Always remember, you are not the problem. You not loving and accepting yourself is.
But now that I’m older, I’ve learned people are not going to like you and that’s okay.
All that matters is what you think about yourself.
If you’re reading this right now you’re someone who is positive, wants to make an impact through your gifts, and genuinely wants to help people.
And there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that, so stop letting small-minded, miserable people try to convince you of anything else.
Stop focusing on the people who don’t like you, and focus on serving and providing value for the people who love you.
3 | Be true to yourself
This is probably the most important thing and the also the hardest thing to accomplish when you’re trying to reprogram yourself because society is constantly trying to brainwash us in telling us “how we should be”.
As long as you’re not hurting anybody and you’re a good human being, anything is acceptable when it comes to being true to yourself.
And honestly, at age 32, I’m now really starting to learn the importance of being true to myself. Because when you don’t, you feel when it dampens your spirit. You don’t feel right, it’s a constant nagging feeling that might even keep you up at night.
This is because you’re going against who you really are and what God intended for you to be.
In order to be true to yourself, you have to ask yourself, What is important to you? (not what’s important to your parents, or your so-called “friends”, or the society Gods, or what the anchor is saying is important on the 6-oclock news).
What is important to you?
Focus on what brings you the most peace and fulfilment.
For me, I find the most peace connecting and helping others by sharing my story, in hope that it helps others as well.
I find the most peace when I’m reading books, learning about social media and digital marketing and creating content because I get to tap into my creative genius and share that with the world.
I find peace when I’m coaching others on building their brand because I truly believe we need to own our greatness and go after what we really want in life and helping people do that, brings me so much fulfillment and joy.
Service brings me the ultimate peace.
What you personally love to do may not always the coolest or trendiest or popular thing to do but that’s okay, all that matters is that it makes you happy.
Pursue a life that caters to your happiness and peace of mind and not to appease or impress others.
I hope this article helped you discover some practical ways to stop worrying about what people think of you. Remember all you need to do is become Luke Cage and bulletproof to the negativity and continue to be positive and great.